This seems to be a reoccurring topic, but needs to be mentioned often it seems. I may go off a bit in other directions. More tonight of just the lack of information out there.
Be prepared. Be ready for difficult times. Read up on things learn about adoption and look from all sides. Understanding all sides had been really beneficial for me. To see all the parties involved as equal. Allow for them to take the new information and now become the person they have now found. They have the new pieces to finally build their new life. They know their heritage, they are processing the new information and now patience and time. Your also having to now fit into your puzzle, the new piece By removing the ones that cause you the most anxiety. Having to learn that you’re a part of someone’s puzzle now.
When we have to build our own puzzle not having any type of reference we can get lost in all this information. The information out there being so little to start with becomes pretty upsetting. Some may just find it hard to find. I’m capable of doing searches and try to look for appropriate material to read but always have to re word it or look at another view of it. Sine it’s mainly “first mothers” but the more topics the better understanding.
So by speaking out to others this will, hopefully not make you become frustrated with reading my issues with finding help. But hope in beginning to help out each other and speak up. We can’t all be bad.
So with each hurdle we face we can start to have a guide of some sort, that as fathers we understand. “Give a man tools to fix something” since we are put in the same category of men understanding analogy.
it has almost became a crusade to me to reach out to as many places as possible. I’ve been sending out emails just to see if I would get a response. There are places that will assist you. But If there are so few then maybe, it’s that no one will search. Or at be they prefer not to admit to their past. Regardless the search for me continues.
I still believe that the most important thing is having patience. Allowing them to decide the fate of the relationship will become a very difficult hurdle. But allowing them to also understand all the new pieces now is important.
So take those moments in the day to just reflect on the positive and allow things to progress as they will. You are still a part of them and they are a part of you. You ended up reading this so your also searching that’s part of it. Learning as much as we can letting them know that we do love them as well and that we haven’t given up.
To end on a up note, the first draft of a possible chapter in a book on adoption came in. It is nice to know that this may also help reach out to more of us. So keep working on that patience and we can have some comfort that we are making an effort.