I am in no way qualified to understand emotions but my own. Understanding this process in my short amount of time. I’ve discovered that the emotions from all sides can be different even surprising at times. Unexpected things will come up that you may not be prepared for. This is when everyone is tested understanding that these come up will help in some way but each circumstance will differ.
I’ve been in contact with another Birthfather with a son his emotions differ in some ways but the thing we have in common is we are facing these things and want to understand we want to understand and work at this and not give up. We do this because we love our child and want them to have what it is they are seeking. Is it not possible to think that their biggest question in life is their quest to find out.
“DO NOT OPEN” “THIS CONTAINS YOUR IDENTITY” labels on a box. All there answers in a box that they cannot open unless we give them that chance.
As birth parents have only an open box not saying anything just open with possibilities. It’s as important to the birth parents because of the missing piece of our lives as well. We are just as curious and filled with wondering over the years. Some it may be something they don’t want to face, a part in there lives they want to forget. For those I’m more than sad I’m heart-broken that they choose to keep living the memory and focus on a life that was to become.
As birthparents it’s also our responsibility to understand our places within the circle. When we should understand when they need their time and be able to process it in their own speed. I think it’s beneficial for both parents to seek groups and discuss it, keep open conversation on these topics to understand the process better and this is for all involved. If we all can work together and help everyone involved.
I struggle daily in my story with this. But I won’t give up on this and I am working hard everyday to keep my emotions in check, difficult YES!!!! It’s unbearable at times. But for it to work we have to understand all parts. We are merging into a extended family and family is what is important. It may not be typical but that is why as “parents” / “birth parents” we need to open communication help each other. I would of course like to see more birth fathers come out and speak up more.
Understanding what the questions and answers are to giving them the identity they may be searching for. Having the patience and letting them control the pace. Understanding that they have now opened the box, they are now looking and learning. For some it may come easier and for some it may take a little longer. For us to understand it we have to prepare for some tough nights of feeling at complete lose of what to do.
For me writing a blog seems to be helping. But also frustrating that it is not more evolved in the help to include the birthfathers point of view. This helps me knowing that if your reading this then your also trying, so let’s not give up. And understand